Disturbing Neighbors

One book really disturbed the crap out of me as a child. That would be Thomas Berger's Neighbors. To be honest, I don't remember a lot about it. I remember being aware of the book because I saw the trailer for the movie adaptation that was coming out starring Dan Aykroyd. I got my parents to buy the book for me at that time, so I was ten or eleven years of age when I read it. The feelings of chaos and disjointed reality that it caused me are feelings I remember to this day, though I can't recall key points of the plot. All I really remember about it is that one family is having a hell of a time with the new couple who moved in next door. There is vandalism (I think), sexual flirtation (I think), and a feeling of insanity that runs through the novel (I'm certain). 

I actually went and found the paperback version of the book I once owned and rebought it . . . with the intention of giving it another read. I haven't done so yet, though, because I'm afraid it won't live up to the uneasy feelings it caused decades ago. I'm far older now and understand more about life, and I don't want that precious, uncomfortable memory to be erased by all that. I don't want to ruin what was such a monumental thing. The Shining made me want to be a writer. Neighbors made me question my sanity.

I will go back to the book someday. I will reread it. I probably won't be disturbed. Here's my secret hope, however: I want to be even more disturbed by it. I want to pick up things I was not able to understand as a child, and I want it to bother me. I'm sure it won't bother me as much as some of Peter Sotos' writing, but I still want to come away with having the feeling of my soul being shaken. I want to be moved. It did it once. It can do it again. I know it's labeled as a "comedy" in some circles, but comedy can be disturbing. Just watch the last Hangover movie if you don't believe me.

If it doesn't disturb me the next time around, though, that's okay, too. It's not great, but it's understandable. I won't be bitter. I won't throw the book into the fire and spit at it. It's not a James Patterson novel, so it doesn't deserve that fate. I will be disappointed, sure. But I'm disappointed by a lot of things I revisit from my youth. The mileage varies as the car gets older, right?

I'm crossing my fingers . . .

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